i'm proud to be an american

Americans often get a bad wrap abroad... (something about 60% of our country not being able to locate the Pacific Ocean on a world map, or not knowing the name of our own vice president, and then of course the somewhat unexplainable 8 year reign of our last president who while likeable enough, probably shouldn't have had access to the nuclear codes, although most foreigner's I've talked to felt that the saving grace was that he probably couldn't figure out the inserting both keys at the same time thing)
but so what... we also give a lot to the world, especially in terms of culture... our two greatest exports being movies that promote sex, drugs and violence and everything else that may contribute to the moral decay of those who come under their all powerful influence... and our fast food chains which are quickly removing the much higher health standards that the rest of the world once enjoyed...

now this might sound like the beginning of a tirade on all that is America... but not at all... there is simply nothing more comforting when being half way around the world than seeing the Golden Arches or Leoanard DiCapprio and Kate Winslet peering deeply into each others' eyes on a 80 foot billboard in amidst the back drop of an endless view of rice fields and farmers using buffalos to plow the land that's been in their family since the Ming Dynasty (around 4000 BC for those of you who aren't fresh on your Asian dynasties)

and part of my personal mission as an American traveler is to try and dispell the unfair stereotype that is often harbored...to show them that we are not all ignorant of the rest of the world (i'm pretty sure I can find the Pacific Ocean as long as they show me where California is as a reference point), some of us do speak other languages (texting is considered a language right?), and in general don't feel that all foreigners are soley here to serve our every desire... I mean I don't feel that ALL foreigners are here solely to serve me, and frankly I'm a little offended at the implication... besides what's wrong with expecting a little service...I am spending American dollars aren't I?(and i don't mind reminding them that there was a time when that meant something)

but somethings going on... a conspiracy of epic proportions...
sure... I know the statistics... America makes up less than 1/18th of the world's population but we consume more than 1/4 of it's resources... and in equal proportions we create more than 1/4 of the world's waste... ie... garbage.

and here is where our story begins... Bangkok has an official population of about 5 million but conservative estimates put it closer to 10 million... and guess what... the city is totally clean... the sky train is clean, the restaurants, public rest rooms, the streets, the sidewalks, even the back alleys.... clean, clean, clean... now if this doesn't have all the makings of an international conspiracy, I don't know what does.
now we've all heard the theory that the world trade towers going down was not just a terrorist act and that there was in fact a collaboration with our own government... well I don't know about that but I'm quite sure that the rest of the world is conspiring to keep us appearing as the bad guy when it comes to statistics like the garbage one above, and I'm simply not going to stand for it.

I mean 10 million people and no garbage... they barely have trash cans in the city and when they do they are a little bigger than a coffee cup. Something stinks and it obviously isn't the garbage...or is it? Come on... you really expect me to believe that the Thai don't need to throw anything away, I mean I've gone threw half of a small forest in paper products alone by the time I leave the house in the morning, not to mention the plastic products that I go through as I make my way through the day... I have wrappers, receipts, train tickets, maps, bus passes, notes, water bottles, oh the water bottles... and literally I can go blocks without seeing a single trash can. Maybe they are camoflouged like the cell phone towers that are made to look like palm trees, or maybe I'm on a knock off of the Truman show and there's a whole crew of Thai who are hiding all the trash cans in my vacinity just before I get there and then putting them back after I've past... or maybe it is an experiment to see if I will change my ways having to carry my ever growing heap of non-biodegradable waste with me throughout the day... possibly with them on there moral high horse, hoping that I will realize what a devastating footprint I'm actually leaving on this planet, but whatever the reason...it is it's not funny! Sure they smile and do their over polite, "never mind" thing but I can see through it to the disdain underneathe, secretly wishing that they could send me to a deserted island where I couldn't pollute the rest of the world.

but c'mon this isn't fair, I'm at a total disadvantage... I'm a tourist! (and that is an all encommassing "get out of jail free" card for every possible problem that I cause... and it sounds so much better than, "yes... I know I'm either ignorant or apathetic, and could you please tell me where the closest Starbucks is?"...

I mean is there any other possibility than them frauding the companies doing the research that make us out to be the irreproachable bad guys...

sure, maybe it helps that they aren't addicted to consumption and shopping, and when they do shop it is just for what they need today and therefore can literally use one recyclable cloth bag over and over...or possibly they have a bit of an edge by eating natural food that doesn't come in a wrapper... and of course there's the fact that they can and do actually eat with utensils which translates to not needing an inch thick stack of napkins just to get through a jelly donut and cup of coffee... you really expect me to believe that you can eat soup with chopsticks and a mango without needing a box of wetnaps, drynaps, and a change of clothes when your done... I'm not buying it.

so fine... if they want to send me to a deserted island, go ahead... all I really need is a few locals to take care of me, a starbucks, and, of course, a big trash can... sounds like paradise to me : )

God bless America and Americans,
j
ps... the locals do speak english right?