okay... so we all know the line from Taxi driver that DeNiro immortalized as only DeNiro can... but I have a confession to make.... I never got it... there i said it... i mean sure i've quoted it and i quote lots of things that I don't know what they mean, but in this case i understood what i was saying, i just never got why it was such a memorable phrase... until now that is...
yes, among many other things, one of which being the proper use of the gerund...this 3 decade mystery has been cleared up in my short stay on this utopian island in the south pacific...
now, i'll get to DeNiro in a second... but before i go on, i don't want to lose anyone this early by making a reference to an obscure part of the english language and leaving you "hanging" ( inside joke for the english majors in the group)
According to Wikipedia... In English the gerund is often identical in form to the present participle (ending in -ing) and can behave as a verb within a clause (so that it may be modified by an adverb or have an object), but the clause as a whole (sometimes consisting only of one word, the gerund) acts as a noun within the larger sentence.
translation... words that end with ING... shopping, looking, buying, etc can all be gerunds...
now by themselves they are relatively harmless but when you add the voodoo that is prevalent in this part of the world with a gerund said twice in quick succession... well now you have a force that would rank among the best of the jedi mind tricks
here's how it works...
they say...
shopping, shopping
i say... just looking, looking ( involuntarily repeating the gerund and unknowingly already under their spell)
they say... buying, buying
and i give them my money, money ( not a gerund but certainly the end of the ritual)
tomorrow i'm off to see an old green wise one who is rumored to have the antidote... which i can already hear him saying... buy or not buy, there is no looking (green as in yoda not kermit if you were using the wrong accent in your head it will make even less sense)...
now back to our regular scheduled blog... "you talkin to me... deNiro...bali and me saying things that i don't know the meaning of... which is different than saying things i don't mean or saying mean things... but i digress...
now before i explain, i would love to pretend that i cracked some amazingly intricate ancient formula, the likes of which would be comperable to finding the Rosetta stone but unfortunately, the Balinese favor simplicity... however in this case i think there is an argument that sometimes simplicity is the basis for confusion... and that less is "not" actually more, (example of one of the quotes i use often without any idea of how it exactly makes sense, but i guess "it is what it is" (another example) but you know... "it's all good" (yes i could go on forever, and if it wasn't for the one fact that made the $60k+ that i spent on my college education and all of the nonsensical, lost meaning languaging that comprises most of my verbal interactions in the world i would feel that i definitely did not deserve to graduate cum laude in communications... and what is that magic fact?... that 90% of all communication is non-verbal communication (how many have heard this... and without a single idea of how this could possibly be accurate, proven or even relevant, i have total peace with myself, my degree, and my propensity to speak in euphenisms, cliches, movie lines, and slang, having total confidence that the "non-verbal" (which is just a fancy latin word that means "not verbal") part of me is communicating what i'm actually trying to say... but i feel that i'm getting a little off the subject... in fact i'm not even sure that i've established a subject... but more of a question comprised of two pronouns a preposition and a gerund... which is important so please make a mental note....
okay, back to the mystery uncovered...and it all revolved around the names of the people i've met here in Bali...
i learned early from old Dale Carnegie that the sweet sound in any language is a persons name... and that if you want to win friends and influence people then you gotta remember their names...(the footnote is of course if you are someone's superior in any way, or a tourist who's money represents the sole means to feed one's family, then you are exempt from this rule because in both cases people still have to pretend to like you and be influenced by you)
and because while traveling i am often overconfident in my Jeffness, i have felt both of the above have steadily applied and therefore have dropped any need to even try and remember anyone's name that i've met...
but try as i might not to pay attention, within a couple days of being here i couldn't help myself asking each person to repeat his/her name... not because i was suddenly more interested or remembered that we are all equal in the eyes of God... but rather because i kept hearing the same couple names...
it seemed that every single person i met was named Wayan, Made', Komang, or Ketut...
turns out that in Bali people are named according to the birth order in the following way...
you see in Bali names for children go according to birth order... and here's the order
Wayan for first born
Made' (Maday)
Komang for 3rd born
Ketut for 4th born
If there are more than four kids as they usually do (average family size in Bali is 13.4 children), they start over with the 5th born reverting back to the list for 1st born children.
oh, and before i forget, it doesn't matter boy or girl... same names for either...
so in the first 48 hours i was in Bali i met over 100 Wayans, 70 Made's, 50 Komangs', and 45 Ketuts'
at first i saw only the brilliance of this plan... first i had at least a 25% chance of guessing anyone in the country's name and getting it right (big boost for my desire to have psychic superpowers), i only had to learn and remember 4 new names to cover everyone i'll meet on my trip, and lastly i couldn't help feeling the peaceful effect this must have on the prebirth conversations with friends who are having babies... no keeping the name a secret, no waiting to see if it's a boy or girl, no spending countless nights pouring through those annoying kids names books that can easily go into the 1000's of pages, and no pressure of mistakingly naming (marking) a child for the rest of it's life with a name that you liked in a song you heard when you where in Spain one summer, only to find out after the birth certificate was signed that the word actually means "devil's little helper"
but then as can often happen when things seem a bit too good to be true...the other shoe dropped...
in numerous examples i ended talking to the wrong Wayan... the wrong Ketut, the wrong everyone...
the other day i was in the market and then looking for my driver (yes, i have a driver... his name's wayan and i highly recommend him) anyway i called out his name... and like 450 people turned and said.... "you takin to me?"
to which i replied... wayan wayan... driving driving...
as if in a trance they all when to their vehicles and waited for me to give them further instructions....
"way to go young baiettowalker..."(the wise little green one's voice heard softly as if inside my head...
may the force be with you,
j
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