the amber lantern

my last name is baietto... and unless you don't speak english you know that makes me italian... in fact baietto is italian for italian, although in the old country it was spelled ïtaliano." however, there was a mix up at Ellis island when my great grandparents landed and they were filling out the forms. my great grandpa confused the boxes for nationality and surname and put baietto for both making it appear that my last name actually meant italian in italian and so America, the melting pot that it is, quickly adopted it as a more authentic english word for italian...

i tell you all this, to tell you that i love pizza... i just had pizza tonight in Cambodia and it was fantastic! and as i was devouring my 13th piece i started remeniscing about my childhood and what an intergral role pizza played and all the fond memories i have associated with it. One of the memories that tops that list was a semi-tradition that my family had on many a thursday night, when we would journey to the Amber Lantern for pizza... now, before i go any further, just in case there are any italians reading this, in no way do i want you get the idea that we only had pizza on thursday nights. in fact i was well into college before i even considered the possibility that one could have a diet that didn't consist of pizza for at least one meal a day.

But the Amber Lantern was special, it was an all you could eat pizza buffet. let me say that again, (actually i think it's enough that i say, "let me say that again"without actually repeating the whole phrase don't you? and compound that with the fact that I was a pre-teen in the middle of my growth spurt years with a metabolism rate that they have only seen on some of the specimens they tested in area 51 but still don't know how to speak of in human terms... and this was as close to italian heaven as it came.

they had thin crust, thick crust, soft crust, hard crust, crust with cheese in the middle....they had, pepperoni pizza, sausage pizza, cheese, mushroom, sausage and pepperoni, pepperoni and mushroom etc... they had the meat lovers, the hawaiian, the 4 cheese, the vegetarian lovers ("which seemed totally ridiculous at the time when our national battle cry was, "where's the beef?" and then they had the dessert pizzas; chocolate pizza, fruit pizza, some great sweet cinnamon pizza, and on and on it went... and no matter how cheaply they could make those bad boys there is no way that they didn't lose money every single Thurs. night that we raided their establishment.

why am i telling you all this... well the moral of the story if you haven't figured it out already is that this post is about massages in Thailand (and Cambodia for that matter)... i apologize to those of you who saw this coming a mile away but for the slower peeps in the group, i didn't want to leave you behind and then have you e-mailing me trying to figure out what i meant by "now that's a happy ending"when i finally get to that part of the post...

so every massage parlor over here, and they are literally everywhere, (think starbucks in terms of locations) is an Amber Lanter (i know there's a "red light" joke there somewhere but i'm not going to go there)

and the menu is no less impressive... they have Thai massage, swedish massage, foot massage, head and neck massage, oil massage, lotion massage, oily lotion massage, and swedish oily lotion thai massage... they have 1 hr massages, 1.5 hr massages, 2 hour massages, and even all day or night massages, they have bulk rooms and private rooms, and mainy will come to your room (house, hotel, office, etc. and then there are the "special"massages but that is a different conversation, just in case Sister Mary Sponsa, Sister Mary Robertine or any of the other Sister Mary's that played a prominent role in my child rearing years are following my blog.

But here's the best part... the price. now i know often quality is way better than quantity but the best is quality and quantity which is what they have going on over here. 1 hour massages can range from $6-$15, a two hour massage from $15-$30, and a four hand (that's two girls for the non-math majors in the group... for an 8 hour massage that has two meals served and a friendly pillow fight for 17000 baht or about $50 dollars...

seem to good to be true... yeah that's what i thought, but day after day, night after night, i just couldn't help treating myself... at first i gave myself reasons... "oh you walked so much today, or you just had a really long flight and this will help you adjust," but within 3 days i didn't even need a reason as it was completely a part of my routine... get up, brush teeth, get a massage... go for a walk to another massage place, have breakfast... relax while food is digesting with a foot massage... go see a temple... reflect on what i saw with a jasmine aroma oil massage... and so the day would go...

and that's the rub (yes pun intended)... they've got it down to a science... lure us in with there huge menu and no obligation try, try, one time attitude and within an hour your hooked... it's worse than crack cocain... i couldn't quit now if i tried...

i literally started this post 2 hours ago, but about 45 minutes in started shaking from withdrawal, ran to get an amazing $7 full hour Cambodian-Thai oil massage (don't ask) and now i'm back...however i was a little worried that i might not make it to the end without another hit...so i brought a couple of them with me... and as i finish this, one is kneading my feet and the other is gently massaging my shoulders...

now that's a happy ending : )

j